Today’s video was one of the first videos I ever made. The problem was the original song was blocked so we had to do a different one. I think YouTube finally allowed it. Here it is like words that start with an “i”.

I know right?

Fun Fact: That’s legitimately the amount we could move cause we had played an all-day softball tournament the day before and could barely move. HAHA LOL BRB ROTFL SDGL:NWROINGWO{S!!!!!!!

If you post it on Facebook/Twitter/blog, then comment that you did and you’re entered to win something. Anything! As soon as I can mail it. 

1. Is the loneliest number? Not if you like video games.
2. I posted the only other take we we had time for of last week’s rap video on the newly created Facebook group “tylertarver.com is okay”. Check it out, comment, like it, put on a sweatshirt. Click this to go to it.
3. Next week, Amanda and I are headed to Catalyst Dallas. I am so excited about this I literally just told you I was excited. Seriously, I’m pumped like a pair of early 90′s tennis shoes.
4. Would you rather have to submerge your hands into a bucket of car oil or rub the inside of a Lays Potato chip bag on your face? Make a choice, change the world.
5. Did you know in the movie Salt with Angelina Jolie, Brian “Smash” Williams from Friday Night Lights gets killed in the first 10 minutes? It was insignificant to the movie, but it still haunts me 3 days later.
6. Amanda is on Channel 7 this morning modeling for Indigo. You can only imagine how much I had to lie to her to get her to marry me.
7. Hawaiian shirts…I think it’s time.
8. Amanda and I Remixed and Refilmed the Rapper’s Delightful Conversation and submitted it to the Little Rock Film Festival. It got accepted. I’m pumped and I’ll show it when it’s over. Here’s the promo photo I submitted at 1:00 last night.
9. Another blogger with much better hair than I, Bryan Allain, is within days of the ruh-launch of his website BlogRocket. It has the potential to change how any of us do what we do. Check it out and apply for a $109 gift card and free eBook. You can’t beat that deal unless you’re a thief.
10. What famous person would you guys like for me to write a letter to next?

1. Friday is my last day for my Program of Study in Educational Leadership. Really excited to be finished but my next 2 days shall be intense, like, sports without physical exertion intense.
2. Tyler Stanton is writing the forward for my book. It will most likely be the only part of the book anyone should/will read.
3. I need your help. I have to come up with a description for my book. It’s a compilation of blog posts about stories, movies, pop culture, tweets, etc. Anything goes, please help me out by giving me anything I can use to describe it in the comments. Funny or ridiculous is encouraged.

So, here’ my interview with Champion Number 1: Ricky Anderson. 

So, Ricky, you represented The Stupid’s in the Worst Movie Ever Tournament and led them to victory like a steroid dealer at the World Series. Why are you so much the best?

I have an all-chili diet that keeps me going, and newish socks for that extra boost of confidence. Sometimes I brush my teeth, too.

Dang, I was going to brush mine but they frown upon that here in Arkansas, albeit a rather cavity filled frown. That reminds me, why’d you pick The Stupids, are you still upset about Roseanne’s baseball song?

My siblings and I read all the books as kids, and we all loved the movie. But my wife and the rest of America hated it more than Bill Gates hates combs, so I thought I’d go that route. Plus, awful movies are so common that I thought I’d pick one that was actually a bit endearing. Makes it easier to cheer for. 

Yeah, you’re right like an author. I’m so proud of you, do you think my dad is proud of you too?

No, he and I haven’t been talking much since the Kleenex incident. I’m hoping we can resolve our differences and start going to the batting cages again soon.

Bruce Wayne’s a big fan of those. But I digress…Pretend for real that as a prize for winning, I could award you with any obscure superpower, which would you choose?

Remember on that TV show, Heroes, where the kid can talk to and control any electronics he touches? Yeah, that’d be cool. Or tennis elbows; that’d be baller. Whichever’s easier.

His name was Micah. I can’t believe you forgot that, I guess that means you didn’t finish that Study Guide I gave you. That’s my transition to this, how many degrees do you have out of 180?

Pi and a half.

That’s 90 degrees in radians which is what I thought you’d say cause it’s very complimentary. Let’s change gears, can you drive a standard?

My automatic answer to your question would be yes. Although, it is by far, more standard for me to drive an automatic! While I’ve a bit of Dale Earnhardt coursing through my veins, I’m a bit of a Romeo when it comes to racing while holding my wife’s hand.

You mean the Romeo portrayed by Jet Lee in Romeo Must Die?

Were you born when that movie came out?!? I mean, yes, of course.

Yes, at that exact moment. Ricky, dearest Ricky, I know are are made of Win, made in America, and made of honor, but what else are you comprised of?

I’m equal parts German, Jewish and used chili (see question 1). But now I’m hurt, Tyler. You promised never to tell anyone I was the maid of honor at your wedding. You break promises; you break hearts.

I’ve broken more than my fair share of hearts, but only because I’m a cardiovascular surgeon that goes by the name of Dr. Burke. I feel like I should wrap this up because I’ve got my triannual rapper’s gift wrapping party to go to. Is there anyone or yourself you’d like to thank and/or blame for winning this all too under-appreciated tournament?

Of course! I’d like to thank everyone who voted, and all of family members with baseball bats that made these folks vo

Sorry, gotta cut you off there. We’re out of time like Hiro Nakamura. Thanks again Rickster. Bye Bye.

Voting ends Monday night. Cast your vote for the best SNL Character ever. 

Also, make sure you click on people’s names and go to their sites, because they are all the most attractive people I’ve ever seen ever. Go. 

The Church Lady (Joe): Someone is trying to talk you into not liking the Church Lady. “Now, who could it be? Could it be … Satan?”.We may not remember her as well as others, but one thing we can be sure of is that she loves us and doesn’t judge us….“Well, isn’t that special?”

vs

Alex Trebek (Ben): I love how much he hates his job. He also has cool hair. A couple of my favorite categories from the show are “States Ending In Hampshire” and “Current Black Presidents”.

Marty and Bobbi Culp (Sara): Why my characters are the best SNL characters ever: Admit it, you always wanted your middle school music teachers to bust out into an operatic rendition of Baby Got Back. And you totally want to use the phrase “roll up a fattie full of fellowship” to promote your next church potluck. Say no to drugs, kids!

vs

Bjork (Kevin): Kristen Wiig’s impersonation of the Icelandic singer is as dead on and humorous as the actual phrases she uses.  We don’t know whether to laugh or think what kind of fantasy land is Bjork apart of?  I will leave you with a quote from Bjork talking about the recession “I think we should stop using paper money, and we should instead pay for things with clouds” http://www.hulu.com/watch/56633/saturday-night-live-update-bjork

Aunt Sue (Kevin): Kristen Wiig plays an Aunt who cannot keep a secret if her life depended on it, she cannot contain her excitement! There have only been 2 skits of this character in the last year and her fan, including me, are wanting MORE! Quote: “OOOOhhhhhh mmmyyyy Gaaaaaawwwwwwdddd”

vs

Matt Foley (Wes): Chris Farley is arguably one of the most beloved SNL performers of all time, and his character, Matt Foley, is one of the reasons he’s remembered as one of the best. Matt Foley has all the elements of what make a great SNL character – funny voice, great physical comedy, and quotable tag line: “I live in a VAY-UN down by the RIVER!”

Rick the Copy Guy (Chase): ”Rick the Copy Guy… Rickkkk… the Richmeister… the Richinator 2000… makin’ copies… annoyin’ every person in the office during the early 90′s… played by Rob Schneider… the Robmeister… Help! Police! There’s a Rob-berrrr! And he stole Schneider’s career… appearin’ in every Sandler movie… not actin’ much… but cool when playin’ the Rick… the Rickster…”

vs

Barney the Chippendales Dancer (Dustin): What is better? Patrick Swayze’s smooth, hard body enticing da ladies… or Farley’s jiggly belly rhythmically bouncing to Loverboy’s classic “Working For The Weekend”? You know the right choice.

Linda Richman (Jeff & Mary): Great Yiddish vocab. Hilarious use of New Jersey accent. Great improv.

vs

Wayne & Garth (Jared): Looking over this list of nominated characters, it’s obvious that none have had the broad cultural impact of Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar. Sure, a handful of SNL diehards could quote parts of a Brian Fellows sketch, or tell you that “Coffee Talk” was the name of Linda Richman’s show, but everybody knows Wayne, Garth, and that Bohemian Rhapsody video, whether they watch SNL or not. In a debate about “Greatest Characters Ever,” there is really only one thing to say: Wayne’s World, Wayne’s World, Party Time, Excellent.

Penelope (Gabriella): Penelope because she comes up with the most ridiculous one-ups. And because all of us can think of someone who acts like her in our lives! Arg!

vs

Gilly: Everyone loves to hate her to love her. She’s like a princess mixed with Satan minus the princess in a dress. You know she done stabbed you with a fork.

Gene Frenkle (Scott):  ”Guess what? I gotta fever….and the only prescription is more cowbell.”

vs

The Target Lady (Megan): Kristen Wiig does magical things, it’s a fact, and I consider myself a connoisseur of her work and AS SUCH, I feel confident putting the Target Lady up for best SNL character. Justin Timberlake clearly supports her (and if he doesn’t get a vote I don’t know who does), she’s got a sweet bowl cut hairdo, and the whimsical way she leaves the register to look for that wicker bag with spring flowers and a bamboo handle gets me every time. PLUS she’s only on every now and then, which I think means it’s more special than the others -  the Target Lady is an unsung hero who deserves to be sung.

The Butabi Brothers: These two might not be recognized without “What is love, baby don’t hurt me” playing in the background. Stars of Night at the Roxbury and co-chairs of Best Dancers and Bump Artists Anonymous, they’ll dance until the Club done thrown up.

Stefon: SNL’s hottest character is Club Stefon. He’s got hermit craps with shells painted like facial hair, a purple box with other boxes inside it with a box inside of it with a box inside of it and a first edition of Where the Red Fern Grows inside of it, and a hat that doubles as a toilet.

That’s it. Make your vote and change the world, in that order. Also, if you want to get in the game, you can just let me know that you want to take over one of these characters and represent them: Gilly, the Butabi Brothers, or Stefon.

Who else should’ve made the list?

Hey. What’s up? Not much here, just writing you a letter, actually, it’s a bunch of letters, comprised into words and sentences. Haha…humor.

I really like your name. If I were you, every time I walked in a room I’d be all like “Make it Rain(n)” and then I’d spit on people and go “GET IT?” Plus, I’d be rich.

We should get matching fedoras. That’d be classic “us”.

Dude, we should probably be friends. I mean, we’ve been going round and round this little internet dance like a couple of around-the-world YoYo tricks, or coyotes about to attack, whichever makes you love me me sound cooler in your eyes.

You know you were the first famous person I ever followed on Twitter? I still follow you, that’s never changed not in a million years, even when you gave it up for 40 days a while back. Yeah, I can spell loyalaty, and I can live it too with or without a hat on.

I’m really looking forward to seeing Super, coming to a theater near me soon, hopefully. If not, I’ll just steal it off the internet and send you a check. Just kidding, that’s illegal. My sister got charged 43 thousand dollars for that. But she’s also a girl so not cool and tall and athletic and best friends forever like us. True story.

You’ve seen a couple of my videos. You judged them in that Nikon Festival. You didn’t pick me but it’s okay cause they were really sucky compared to the other ones and they were 2 of the first videos I ever made. It’s okay, I haven’t gotten any better.

I also represented your character from The Office in the Best TV Character competition. It was really official cause we had a draft and everything. We lost in the championship with 48% of the votes to Bill Cosby. He’s nice so I can’t be mean to him.

Did you notice I said “We” in that last paragraph. It feels so right I think I’m ambidextrous.

I go to your site SoulPancake site a lot and one time I even got featured. Yeah, it felt great. I really want to read your book you wrote but I only buy stuff that is autographed, which makes buying houses and animals difficult.

But seriously, I want to get it cause it looks awesome. No, you’re awesome. Dang, we should laugh together more often.

Do you get sick of people always talking about your Dwight character? They should shutup cause you’re not Dwight you’re Rainn and it has 2 n’s like the word tanner, which can be a name or the profession of someone on Jersey Shore.

I really liked you in The Rocker and even in your part in Juno. In the extra scenes I saw you cuss. It’s okay, I can’t cuss cause I’m a teacher and they could fire me, plus I sound really awkward and uncomfortable when I say bad words.

I teach math. Do you ever count things?

We should go to the movies together and make fun of teenagers. But only if you want to.

I saw the music video you did with Blitzen Trapper. You seem really cool and not a stuck up Richie Rich. Do you like Macaulay Culkin? What about that hair? Am I right?

I think I’ve said too much, and this lady on the radio once said I say it best when I say nothing at all. So, I’m gonna be quiet.

Have a great day Mr. Wilson, or don’t, you know, whatever.

Love,

Tyler

PS Tell John Krasinski about the ambidextrous joke from earlier, it’ll be great.

That’s a hundred million sold right there.

If you want a chance to win something from the video, just Facebook/Twitter/Blog this video.

Let me know that you did in the comments. 

1. XBox or Nintendo 64?
2. See above picture.
3. What is one quote you have memorized that you really like?

1. Thanks to an astute commenter, I found out one of my favorite potential book titles is already a Daniel Tosh stand-up CD “True Stories I Made Up.” No wonder it felt so right. Still taking suggestions/votes.
2. A freaking tornado hit Vilonia. I live in Vilonia. My wife is terrified of tornados. Through the property of deduction, you will notice that the past couple days were very sucky.
3. Ricky and Clay really owned in the first completion of Tournament Tuesday. Ricky’s award will be up as soon as I get power at my house. Please go to their sites and say something about how handsome they are and how full and lush their hairs are, cause it’s true.
4. When people bend their elbows the wrong way make me want to internally vomit and scratch a wet newspaper.
5. I always assumed the number 5 is the pothead number. Cause people are always talking about how “high” it is.
6. The number 6 is like the bad influence friend who got it started doing drugs cause it’s like the Devil’s number.
7. Seriously 2011? Towels? That’s the best we’ve come up with to dry ourselves off? C’mon scientists, get on that.
8. Do you remember that saying “Yikes! Stripes! Fruit stripe gum!” Yeah, I still say that, mostly when I want to be condescending.
9. I wish I had an accent above one of my letters. Probably the A, she seems kinda bland.
10. I’ve been watching Arrested Development on Netflix. Holy crap that show is funny. I cannot stop saying Hey, Brother, in my Buster/Old Gregg voice.
11. I am very surprised if you’ve made it this far. You are probably my best friend. We should get bracelets together.
12. Or braces together.
13. A couple other people were doing some polls to see what people like them to talk about, so please pretty please, pick the Top 3 things you like it when I talk about. yup: