Tyler’s Through Time

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You know that feeling when you say your own name? It feels like the Rescue Rangers are crawling out of your skin, or like you’re trying to talk while your mouth is made of vinegar and mayonnaise. Vinyonnaise. Sounds like a submarine. Regardless, it’s awkward.

That’s why you don’t see very many people being really close friends with people that have the same name, if they do one of them nicknames it up. Like Erin from The Office (her name was Kelly) or that one dude you know. It’s just strange saying your own name verbally, even though writing it feels more right than taking a bubble bath while listening to Breaking Dawn on audiobook.

Just in case you didn’t know from my apparently narcissistic but not intended to be arrogant use of my name for everything Internetual, my first name is Tyler. I was the first person ever named Tyler in the history of the world. All other people are not real or it’s their middle name or they were named later. You cry liar? Nay, children of the revolution, I have honestly never met in real life anyone older than me named Tyler. I promise. Think I’m lying? What’re you wearing? Think again, you’re the liar. No seriously, never met anyone named Tyler older than myself.

But there might or might not be some real and/or fake people out there with my name, and even though I was the rough draft, they took the name Tyler and built empires with it. So, with a bit further ado, here are the most famous Tyler’s in the world on planet Earth.

Tyler Durden: Probably the most savvy and maybe best looking of all Tyler’s (mainly because of the 27 abs and that he’s Jack’s external manifestation of all he wants to be) and forerunner to headline the Derelict clothing campaign. This character is from Fight Club and is played by the little know magazine topic Bradley Pitt. If one were to create the ideal being that’s charming, witty, original, and can punch people very hard in the face, obviously you’d name him Tyler, then you’d fall in love with him.

Tyler from Remember Me: Robert Pattinson’s best acting role to date, which narrowly toppled Cedric Diggory, even though as Cedric he only said about 14 words total. This movie, mingled mostly with a twittering from Tyler Stanton, is what inspired this seemingly egotistical, yet light and sardonical post. This Tyler is confident, strange, witty, and loyal. Like many Tyler’s are, due to their edgy/classy name implications, he was a hipster, worked at a book store, could’ve had money but went independent, and dated the much less annoying version of Claire from Lost. The cat had skills. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

Tyler Perry: You all know him from being Oprah’s BFF and from dressing up like a humorous homely drag queen. Seems like a super nice guy. I’ll tell you one thing, besides the things I’ll say before and after, if he likes something he’ll let people know it’s his. It’s like when you go to college and write your names on your DVDs cause your roommate turns out to be an identity thief that stole social security numbers while working in the college library and took out student loans with them. It’s like Tyler Perry is going to college with Walt Disney, and they want everyone to know what’s theirs. They should just fist fight, and have Jimmy Dean and Betty Crocker as a prematch.

Jake Tyler from Never Back Down: The fight I’d like to see, Jake Tyler verses Tyler Durden. Do you think that’s why they made Jake’s last name Tyler, because of Fight Club? Oh my goodness people, we’ve got a breakthrough. You’re welcome, sir. Regardless of his daddy issue, Mr. Tyler could dance, and by dance, I mean beat the business out of Volcheck and date the hot chick. This role helped solidify that Tyler is a young name, reserved for nonOldies. Seriously, how many people at Bingo are named Tyler? None, sir.

Tyler Stanton from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Okay, don’t think he was in that one, but not positive cause I haven’t had a chance to never watch it yet. This Tyler stars in several quite popular YouTube videos for certain, and is also a popular blog person. Says funny and/or spontaneous things on there, stayin true to the flava. I’m not sure what that means, but Seth Green said it once, so…approved. This Tyler also equalizes some of the heaviness of the popular Catalyst conferences with excellently humorous videos. While this one might come in a close second in a Royal Rumble Cage Match of this list of Tyler’s, he ranks hands down the funniest on the list. Believe dat.

Tyler Hansbrough: This NBA player and ex-Tar Heel might win in a race to the sky (he’s like 9 foot 15) but not as wittingly verbal as many Tyler’s on the list, maybe the Never Back Down one. Then again, he’s a NBA player and he can do what he wants. Or is he? I don’t know, he got hurt in his head or something, but that’s sad so shutup. His number 50 was actually my number in all sports in 6th grade, until I realized it is awful number etiquette and dropped it like it’s hot. Neat side note, one of my friends actually played on his high school team at Poplar Bluff, and since I know my friend, if you’d like for me to sign something just wait til after the post (this is the closest I’ve ever been to famous, except for the fact that my grandpa’s 1st cousin’s grandson is married to Stephanie Meyer. True story.).

Tyler, Texas: The destination of kings and traitors. I went here a few times while I worked at Sky Ranch Camps in Van, Tx, and the place where I bought a pair of jeans I really like, a lot. This little guy is referred to as the Biggest Little City on the earth, the Show Me city, and New York City. It’s widely known for its beautiful terrain and vibrant nightlife. It is also the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln, Cher, and Ron Weasley. This one, along with the latter were both inadvertently recommended by the Tyler two up from here.

John Tyler: This dude became President of the U.S. of America at the age of something impressive. He was the 10th one of those in America. He became it because William Henry Harrison died, he was the first ever VP to step in, and everyone loved him so much they didn’t even accuse him of killing Harrison (but not enough to elect him again). He got us Texas (you’re welcome previous dude) and might have invented something. He actually was going to assume a position in the Confederate Government, but God wouldn’t let a Tyler do something that mean so he died before taking office.

Also Fly: Stephen Tyler, Liv Tyler, Tyler Hilton, Daniel Tyler Sanderson, Tyler Woods, Tyler Green, Ty Cobb?

Okay, I’m done. Longest post in a longer time.

Which Tyler is best? Are there any famous Tyler’s out there that I missed? Anyone that should’ve been named Tyler?

Anyone like pizza?