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20 Best Chandler Bing Quotes

March 2, 2011

Guess who won the first round of The Greatest Comedic Character ever competition, a bunch of people you don’t care about, and, wait for it…..TRACY JORDAN. I didn’t want to say it before but I’ll say it now, his opponent David Brent is one of the funniest characters of all time, but, alas, victory is sweeter than correcting someone who spells sweet as sweat.

Plus, I got to knock out T-Stant “Sign my Shoe” Stanton’s first round pick, and since he’s richer and much more famous than me, I like to think of myself as an Internetual Robin Hood. You’re welcome world.

The Part 2 of Round 1 is up and ready to go. I’m representing one of my favorite characters of all time, Chandler Bing from a little show called Friends. So please with all your heart, click this link and go vote the crap out of him.

Without further adoo doo, here are the Top 20 Chandler Bing quotes.

Phoebe: I just realized something. Joker is poker with a j… coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that’s “joincidence”… with a c.

You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Rachel: Ok, well, I’m turnin’ in.
Chandler: Rach, we gotta settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see King George is giving us the land.

Oh, I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.

Rachel: Guess what, guess what, guess what!
Chandler: Um, ok. The fifth dentist caved and now they’re all recommending Trident?

So, in the words of A.A.Milne ‘Get out of my chair, Dillhole!

(To Joey when he raises the idea of hitting a woman whom they thought was a stalker with a frying pan) Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a back-up plan though, just in case she isn’t a cartoon!

Look at all the space on her side of the bed. You could fit a giant penguin over there. That’d be weird though.

(People not listening to Chandler talking) Shall I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil…

Monica: Paul, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.
Joey: Hey, Paul, the wine guy.
Ross: Hey, Paul.
Phoebe: Hey, Paul.
Rachel: Hi, Paul.
Chandler: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. Paul, was it?

If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know. Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. “Run away from Crazy Snake Man, ” they’ll shout!

I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.

(Janice “what a small world”) and yet I never run in to Beyonce!

Susie: Chandler Bing?
Chandler: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
Susie: I’m Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse.
Chandler: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look… great job growing up.

Handle? I can handle it. Handle is my middle name. Well, actually its the middle part of my first name.

Joey: What? Let me see that. Oh no! This sucks. When I had health insurance I could… catch on fire, you know or get hit by a bus. Now I gotta be careful?
Chandler: I know what you mean, man, there’s never a good time to stop… catching on fire.

Stay… stay. Good fake dog.

Chandler: [talking about a dog] What if it attacks me?
Joey: Chandler, it’s like a big gerbil.
Chandler: And that doesn’t scare you?

Stop staring at my wife’s legs…no, no, stop staring at your sisters legs!

Joey: Hey, yeah. Then we could do that telephone thing. Y’know, you have a can, we have a can and it’s connected by a string.
Chandler: Or we can do the *actual* telephone thing.

What was your favorite quote?

DO NOT FORGET TO GO TO SCOTT”S PLACE AND VOTE FOR CHANDLER Bing. Whew, sorry about the yelling, someone had a knife.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. March 2, 2011 10:36 am

    I always thought Matthew Perry was underrated as a comic actors. Fond of the Trident one and the snake one…but does his catchphrase, “Could it *be* any more….?” count?

  2. March 2, 2011 11:12 am

    So many to choose from. I’m going with:
    Rachel: Guess what!
    Chandler: The fifth dentist finally caved and now they’re all recommending trident?

  3. March 2, 2011 11:14 am

    Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
    Monica: Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance!
    Joey: The Irish Jig Guy?!
    Chandler: His legs flail about as if independent from his body!

    this is a fun game.

  4. March 2, 2011 11:29 am

    Is this the contest where I get a prize? I’m so confused, but I did vote just incase…

  5. peedypost permalink
    March 2, 2011 1:58 pm

    good choices. personal fave not on the list (there are so many to choose from!):

    Monica: OK I’ve got three legs, a breast and a wing
    Chandler: well.. how do you find clothes that fit?

    Chandler was easily the best character on that show! arguably carried the whole thing!

  6. March 2, 2011 7:38 pm

    I love Chandler Bing. I was kind of like the generic version of him for a few years. Actually I still am. I may push Bing all the way in this tourney. Loving the voting. Also, you smell terrific so congratulations on that.

  7. Anonymous permalink
    December 6, 2012 8:23 am

    I really liked “Oh no! This parachute is a knapsack!” As he rolled over the back of the chair.

  8. July 3, 2013 8:48 pm

    Chandler: I wonder if there’s a town in like Montana or something called Sample, so when you drive in it says “Your In Sample.”

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