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Top 20 Liz Lemon Quotes

March 3, 2011

So you smell that? Smells a whole lot like Chandler Bing rolled into the 2nd Round! If you could please turn to your immediate left and high-5 the bojangles out of someone’s hand, that’d be appropriate. Thank you all for voting, you truly are the greatest Americans and nonAmericans in the world.

Today, we are defending the only female contestant in the entire Greatest Comedic TV Character of all time competition. Most of you are women and/or like to date women and/or have seen a woman, so let’s represent and go here and vote immediately for Liz Lemon (played by Tina Fey).

Liz Lemon is the lead character on 30 Rock, which has to be recognized as one of the most well-written comedies of all-time, of which Fey is probably the head writer (educated guess). Here are her Top 20 quotes that I could find on such short notice.

[as Princess Leia] I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.

Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he’s gonna kill you and then he’s gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.

Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.

One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I’m really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!

There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!

If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level with drop until he pees himself.

You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.

Jenna Maroney: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz Lemon: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?

I just wish I could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don’t have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.

Liz Lemon: He looked at me with those crazy handsome guy eyes. It was like the Death Star tractor beam when the Falcon …
Jenna Maroney: [interrupting] No Liz, do not talk about stuff like that on your date. Guys like that do not like Star Trek.
Liz Lemon: Wars!

My heart’s pounding like I’m watching Oprah’s farewell season.

First of all, I look weird there because I’m snarting.

Jack: Do you know what pays for your show Lemon?
Liz: Our product placement deal with Sullivan Psychiatric Clinic. Sullivan Psychiatric, you’ll drool over our crazy prices.

You can’t force the fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won’t take because your skin is too oily.

There are some things that are actually harder to do with two people, like … monologues.

[on Jenna and Dennis in her bed] Oh guys, come on, I eat in there!

Jenna: Steven played the race card. What did you do?

Liz: What could I do? I picked up the check and made out with him a little bit in the taxi.

You can’t solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.

No, listen to me. She’s not fun, she’s just crazy. Like, grab a cop’s gun crazy.

I want to go to there.

What’s your favorite?

Please go vote for Liz here and today is also the last day to enter the giveaway for the Friday Video Giveaway.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 3, 2011 1:42 pm

    LIZ LEMMMON! Sorry.. I still imagine Oprah yelling her name every time I see it.

    Some of my favorite quotes:

    Jack: This isn’t my first rodeo Lemon.
    Liz: Well I’ve been to a rodeo to. It was a cat rodeo, in a gay guy’s apartment

    Jack: Who wears shoes at a beach?
    Liz: Only Rocky and Apollo Creed during the training montage.

    Jack: Lemon that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said.
    Liz: Really? What about three years ago when I said there should be more tv shows about cake?

    Liz: I just need to see him and I can’t get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.

    Liz: When he saw these (reveals shoes) he asked me when my cult was committing suicide.

    Liz: I don’t care. I’ll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created The X-Men!

    Um… I could do this all day, so I’m gonna stop now.

    • March 4, 2011 12:29 am

      Gold. Every single one of those.

  2. Kate permalink
    March 3, 2011 2:24 pm

    God, three weddings in one day, I’m going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

    Gavin Volure: I want to send my driver into Manhattan to pick up dessert. Does anyone know a good place for cupcakes?
    John McEnroe: I think there’s a place…
    Liz (interrupting): McEnroe, give me a break. I’m on it. 77th and Amsterdam, 68th and Columbus, 125th and President Clinton Blvd. Also, don’t overthink it. Sara Lee. Frozen. Unbelievable.

  3. March 3, 2011 4:01 pm

    oh REALLO. I meant to say really, I mis-spoke. Continue.

  4. Tina permalink
    March 4, 2011 9:03 am

    My favorite quote from 30 Rock was from Selma Hayak. “Liz, isn’t there a Slanket you should be filling with your farts?

  5. Roselí permalink
    March 23, 2011 7:50 am

    I love Liz Lemon!!! She is wonderful and very funny!!!

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