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Worst Cartoons Ever

March 30, 2011

As a child, you are exposed to cartoons of varying quality. But, as a child, you are also not quite that smart because your brain is usually not developed enough to discern between what is quality, and what is crapilty.

However, sometimes, as a child, you get the feeling in your brain/heart/bowels that something is not right. Amiss, if you will. These are a few of the Cartoons that I have felt in my heart of hearts were awful since I was that child.

These first 3 sentences are insignificant because they merely reinforce the title of the post.

Catdog: Watching this show was like consuming eye vomit. I remember that it was like a less funny Ren & Stimpy, where the occasional humor could not make up for the rumblie tumblies in my bumblie. If you have forgotten, it is about a cat/dog hybrid with good gas mileage*. The thing could stretch as far as it wanted and often got it’s belly (aka No Man’s Land) tangled and stretched like Silly Putty you let your little cousin use at the ballpark. I just have one question for this unholy union of animals:

How do you go number 2?

I rest my case.

*Good gas mileage = an uncomfortable appearance.

Doug: Now, this show might bring on some fighting words because I know it had more popularity, hence, I had to watch it more. Why doth thou hate it? One reason, Doug himself. The little idiot would write in his diary all day long and daydream adventures and situations. If you know me cause you’ve read my journal, you’d know I’m all for diaries so put down the feather pen and hear me out. However, when a situation can be easily solved by just, I dunno, telling an adult, but you spend 22 minutes daydreaming about flying around with your underwear on the outside of your khaki’s: I raise my fist. Just tell Patty you like her so you can live in the Jr High cartoon immortal age limbo forever and she can wear your green sweater-vest letterman jacket. I’ll give them this though: theme song was catchy. Puh-chika-puh-chicka-ahhh.

The real hero of the show…Skeeter. Dude was chill, cool, and unfortunate enough to be typecast as a stereotypical 90’s cartoon’s best friend.

The dog was cool too. Like, Snoopy without the circles.

Oh, and why you gotta make the kid with the leather jacket the bad guy? Brad Pitt wore one in Fight Club and now he’s in magazines. So, joke’s on you.

Face: Remember this dude from Nick Jr? Big dang paint fill would just pop up, “Hur Hur Hur, Hey guys, it’s Face.” Yeah, name your kid Epidermis and see if other kids don’t wanna punch his ribs when he’s hanging from the monkey bars. This thing still haunts my television dreams. Every time I’m watching the transition between 2 shows I cringe in hopes that St. Nick Jr. will not appear. Also, he could just change colors at will. What are you? The United Nations of Nickelodeon. Be yourself is what you said, but your actions spoke different you Wal-Mart commercial from the devil. I bet Rob Bell would agree that you will not be in heaven.

It’s like a less classy version of the Finder button on my Mac, which I know shares the same beady little eyes of Face which stares into the depths of my soul. They’re probably cousins through marriage.

That’s why I just stuck to Hey, Arnold!, Rugrats, and The Angry Beavers, because I’m not a Sith.

What cartoons did you hate growing up?

17 Comments leave one →
  1. March 30, 2011 9:54 am

    The Rob Bell line is great!

  2. March 30, 2011 9:57 am

    I was a little older when they hit the scene, but I never liked “Ed, Edd, and Eddy.” Just dumb.

    Also, I apparently had an entirely different upbringing in terms of cartoons. I almost never watched Nickelodeon. I was a Cartoon Network guy, so I watched a lot of “Dexter’s Laboratory,” “Johnny Bravo,” “Two Stupid Dogs,” and “The New Johnny Quest.” Legend…

    • March 30, 2011 10:03 am

      ed, edd, and eddy was dumb. good call.

  3. March 30, 2011 10:03 am

    “Yeah, name your kid Epidermis and see if other kids don’t wanna punch his ribs when he’s hanging from the monkey bars.”

    Good thing my wife did not let me name my son, or he would be this kid (except I would not have named him face or epidermis. I would have come up with something worse).

  4. March 30, 2011 10:04 am

    i’m going to go with something on when my kids were little…


    did this freak anyone else out? it’s like a bad acid trip.

    • March 30, 2011 12:08 pm

      If the Boobahs ever mated with the Teletubbies, I’m pretty sure the offspring of that unholy alliance would produce the lesser known 5th horse of the Apocalypse.

  5. March 30, 2011 10:05 am

    I hated Donald Duck as a kid. That dumb duck just had no common sense. I mean really, how hard is it to go camping?

    I see now that this was an early sign of my nerdiness.

    I also hated anything “Looney Tune” as my parents loved it, but Bugs Bunny brought on the power-downs in my brain.

  6. March 30, 2011 10:36 am

    HA! I forgot about Face. what a great reminder. I would like to nominate Caillou for worst cartoon of the present day… I’m a nanny and I watch cartoons all the time because of it, and I think that show is the devil’s work.

    • March 30, 2011 11:19 am

      Ooh, if we’re talking modern cartoons, then anything that comes on the major networks on Saturday mornings gets my ire. Turbo Dogs? Babar? Really?

    • March 31, 2011 6:19 pm

      Wow is Caillou annoying. My wife and I make fun of the theme song every time it comes on. Its a sad little game we play.

  7. Chris permalink
    March 30, 2011 12:18 pm

    Worst cartoons of all time list must include dragon ball z. It sucks big dragonballs.

  8. Cynthia L. permalink
    March 30, 2011 1:01 pm

    “Catdog: Watching this show was like consuming eye vomit.”

    Yes, it was. It was soo bad that it was the only my mom did not let us watch when we were growing up; glad she was our brain when ours was underdeveloped :)

  9. March 30, 2011 1:14 pm

    I stuck with the CBS saturday morning shows, although I hated when they tried to recycle a stupid movie that’s not necessarily for kids into a cartoon show. Case in point: Dumb and Dumber. I did, however, like the Back to the Future cartoon because nobody wished harder than me for a BTTF 4 movie. That movie series taught me that a certain curse word also used in the Bible is not a nationality.

    Lately, the only cartoon that doesn’t make me want to cross the streams on the ghostbuster guns is Phineas & Ferb.

  10. Stephanie permalink
    March 30, 2011 1:39 pm

    I never got into The Wild Thornberries. Eliza annoyed the crap out of me because she would get all pushy and opinionated just because she could talk to animals. None of the characters were redeemable enough to make me like that show. I get the idea, but it must have just been bad execution.

    Also, I agree with Ed, Edd, and Eddy ^

  11. March 30, 2011 9:59 pm

    CatDog is awful.

    So was Reboot. I hated Reboot.

  12. heather joy permalink
    March 31, 2011 8:02 am

    I hated Rugrats. Their spikey little hair creeped me out. :)

  13. March 31, 2011 9:20 am

    As a cartoonist, all I can say is this:

    “Doug” was an ingenious cartoon.

    I’ll be praying for you, Tyler. But I fear it may be too late.

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