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Dear Mr. Yankovic

May 10, 2011

Dear Mr. Yankovic,

Hey. What’s up? Nothing here, just teaching math and rocking like a hurricane, the ush (I was trying to use the first syllable in “usual” like people do to sound cool, but don’t know if I spelled it correctly or got the vibe right, so in retrospect I guess I should just go back and delete it, but then we wouldn’t have this sentence to look back on and laugh in 30 years. HEHE LOL ROTFL AFCTS [abbreviations for common teenage slang]).

Whew. That start was hefty, I hope we’re still cool like a political joke. Do you vote? I always vote right except for when I’ve just left. We should steal a voting booth together and do some prison time. Then we could read and workout and have inside jokes.

I need to let you know that I think you are really smart and funny and witty and have excellent hair and I don’t need a restraining order cause this is mainly joking where it gets weird. Wow, I got a lot of words in before I used that word. Do you get tired of it? You kinda own it so I hope you’re rich and stuff. I bet you are cause you have a Twitter. I have a Twitter too, but that’s cause one of the guys from the news gave it to me. Not the information news but the Huey Lewis and the News news.

I heard you wrote a children’s book and it’s really great. I just got a kid like 10 months ago, but he can’t read yet so I make fun of him for that. It’s in good taste.

Did you see my casual transition to mention my Twitter account? It was so smooth we should call that the “20 minutes after eating a laxative” section of the letter, or twenminafteatalaxve if we’re in a hurry cause we’re going to a movie or dance or convention.

My wife is always like “why you always talk about him” i like all “girl you crazy and Yoda and ham on whole wheat, all right?”. Nailed it.

I owned every single one of your CDs by the time I was in 10th grade. I know I was a bit of a late bloomer, but it doesn’t mean I can’t still 10 year later recite every word to Amish Paradise, Gump, The Night Santa Went Crazy, and The Saga Begins, cause I can. Try me. For real, call me on stage at a big concert or something, whatever you want.

If anyone ever makes fun of you for playing the accordion you should be all like, “Well, accordion to the dictionary, it’s awesome.” That’ll show the haters.

I remember hearing or reading or both that you graduated high school at 16 and gave a speech that was really funny. I was 16 once, and once when I was 17 I accidently said I was still 16. It’s like looking into a mirror.

We should make a movie together about dragons or dress ties or well-constructed buildings.

One of the things on my Before I’m Burger list is to interview you. Where do you think they got that word from? My students said it’s a combination of 2 words, but I’ve never heard of an “int”. Oh yeah, Lord of the Rings. I get it now. You’re so smart.

I had to buy your Running with Scissors album twice because my mom hit a deer with my car so I had to drive a rental car and I left it in the CD player when I took it back. I don’t run with scissors because my mom told me not to, but looking back she’s kinda stupid cause she goes hunting with my car. Parents just don’t understand.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is thanks for the memories Sarah McLaughlin. Her last name is silly. Maybe she’s the weird one. Sold. Henceforth, you shall be called “Charming” Al.



PS If you didn’t like this then don’t worry about it cause I’m eating chips and cheesedip for lunch, so I’m doing just fine.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. May 10, 2011 9:26 am

    How many albums did he have? I always liked his singles but I never owned a whole Weird Al record. Oh and what about his movie? You didn’t mention that.

    • May 10, 2011 9:30 am

      UHF or The Naked Guns or Animated Transformers? Gotta be specific Bob.

      I just wanted to focus on the music, like John Mayer (who really needs non-creepy facial expressions whilst performing?)

  2. May 10, 2011 11:10 am

    I’m the only guy I’ve ever met who was persecuted for liking Weird Al. Seriously, like Constantine had to come in and stop my 8th grade class from burning me in oil, or at least tar and feathering me, for my Weird Al addiction. And no, Constantine isn’t another word for the teacher, because she was in on it too.

  3. May 10, 2011 11:31 am

    so good!! he needs to read this.

    accordion to the dictionary… you have no treble making puns about musical instruments.

  4. May 10, 2011 6:02 pm

    so good!! he needs to read this.
    accordion to the dictionary- nice! it seems like you have no treble making puns about musical instruments.

  5. May 10, 2011 7:19 pm

    i like his hair.

    this post brings me back to high school. for an english project, we had to bring in a parody and one girl brought in “you’re pitiful” by weird al and claimed it was a parody on christina aguilara’s “you’re beautiful”. and when somebody called her out and said it was james blunt, she said “james bond isn’t a musician”.

    that story was better in my head.

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