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Stuff Students Saying

May 16, 2011

These are actual word-for-word things I have heard the people who will be in charge of our futures say. If you’ve missed it or want a trip to Rememberanceville, check out what students are spittinspeakinsaysaidsayin, and summer school saying.

I’ll pay you fifteen forty-five dollars to let me cut your hair or face.

One time my mom was 4 and watching TV and I wasn’t born yet. 

When I grow up I’ll be single so no one will mess with my toys.

Once my step-brother was beating my sister with a crutch and I tried to help and we all got spankings. 

If you run on the sidewalk that doesn’t show respect.

Cool cool double cool. 

Student: I saw a tiger pee in an Indian’s mouth.

Me: That’s disgusting.

Student: But funny.

Me: Mainly disgusting.

You remind me of Phil from the Hangover, cause you’re both teachers and kinda weird.

Pee is bad for your body, cause it can kill you if you drink it. 

You know that show? (Me: What show?) That Subway commercial.

Student trying to solve a word problem: She can invite 6 and a half friends.

Me: How do you invite half a friend?

Student: Cut their body. 

Disturbing? You should be.

What’s the stupidest/strangest thing you’ve heard lately?

14 Comments leave one →
  1. May 16, 2011 9:14 am

    i posted this on twitter it was so amazing…

    you know you’re in the deep, white south when your bartender with the shaved head says, “i was on the other side of WWII.”

    • May 17, 2011 6:46 am

      that want my aunt Lucille.

  2. David Robbins permalink
    May 16, 2011 10:43 am

    David, you’re a very nice person. Love, Grandma.

    • May 17, 2011 6:47 am

      that was also my aunt Lucille, and the other person was my Grandma.

  3. May 16, 2011 12:19 pm

    Bono’s webpages load so fast because the last time he checked, God wasn’t short on cache.

    • May 17, 2011 6:47 am

      that’s actually fairly genius, I’d say…Steve Buschemi genius.

  4. May 16, 2011 7:01 pm

    I always look forward to this feature on your blog. Has me shaking in silent laughter in my office when I supposed to be working. :-)

    • May 17, 2011 6:48 am

      i hope you get fired for that so we can open up a profitable yet fairly priced lazertag arena.

  5. May 17, 2011 10:09 am

    On cinco de mayo one of my students asked me “Miss Auer, are you a Mexico person?”

  6. May 17, 2011 10:23 am

    I hope Rashard Mendenhall donates millions of dollars to U of Illinois so they erect a building in his honor.

    “Where’s your next class?”
    “Mendenhall Hall?”
    “Minden Hall?”
    “No, Men…Mindenhall-squared”

  7. May 17, 2011 10:35 am

    Your students want to cut people in half… I hope they know magic.

  8. Regan permalink
    May 17, 2011 11:53 am

    Mom: “I wish you could have seen Pat’s knees.”
    Me: “What?????”
    Mom: “I wish you could have seen Pat walking around on his knees pretending to be a midget from The Wizard of Oz.”
    Me: “That is not what you said AT ALL.”

  9. JamiesRabbits permalink
    May 17, 2011 7:49 pm

    I blogged about the answer to this question just today. A young licensed Master’s level social worker asked me how she could drag and drop a file into a digital folder when she doesn’t have a mouse. She thought she didn’t have a mouse because she was using a laptop.

    P.S. I’m single and NO ONE messes with my toys. Plus, I’m childless, so I can afford toys.

  10. Mike Rice permalink
    May 19, 2011 2:11 pm

    Student: So you know that earthquake in Japan
    Me: Yeah?
    Student: Ummm where is all the Hello Kitty Stuff going to come from now?

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